Ask yourself; Answer yourself; Evaluate yourself;

TL; DR; It was about me and my thought process of how I felt when I asked myself who I was. Hope it helps you to think about it and do something before it’s too late be something you wanted to be.

Today morning I have come across a random post on Facebook which had some great personalities and things about what they did every morning. It was mixed and to me, it felt like most of them woke up early morning and you should start doing it too. Nothing I would do even in my dreams any time soon. Its 4:54AM on Feb 2nd, 2017 now and you should get what I meant by “Today morning” in the start. I am clearly a night owl and that post was not for me so I was about to ignore and I came across a photo with Steve Jobs. It said he woke up and looked into the mirror and asked “What’s your purpose?”.

That touched me and I asked myself

  1. Who are you?
  2. What you wanted to be?
  3. Are you there yet?
    • If not, where are you in the journey?
    • If yes, what were your plans after reaching that goal?

I had answers for all of those questions but I didn’t like any answer and I hated myself because I was the reason why I was here. As I was a strong believer of everything can be achieved, I started to dig where everything went wrong and how I wanted to start off to reach that point where I would like the answers to all of these questions and be happy about my answers.

I hated my answers because I was a dreamer and I imagined my life’s pinnacle from a very young age. I heard about Aristotle in my 4th standard and my teacher told me that he was an all rounder and had knowledge of everything. That is when I have set my first goal. Don’t excel at just one thing. Be a little of everything. When I was around 7th standard or so my uncle called me up once to explain why video games are bad and I remember only bits of the conversation that happened but one question made it to my permanent memory. What is the most that you can get by playing a video game other than just feeling great coz you had higher score than others? Then came my second goal, Be different from others around you.  In my 10th standard I had a chance to enter Facebook and it had a section of About me for which I searched the internet and found a quote by Bil Gates.

If you are born poor it’s not your mistake but if you die poor that’s your mistake.

I have set it and that was there for a long time until I realized about me section was meant to tell something about me and not to express something I liked. But then I have noted down my third goal. Be in a position such that your family and people around you will receive respect in the world because of your social status.

Nothing would be complete without a 4 in my life and same with my life goals. I don’t remember the situation when the 4th one came up but it might be because of my dad who doesn’t like to give me money just like that because I won’t know the value and struggle required to earn it. I will definitely be my dad to my son coz I wanted to teach the same lesson that my dad taught. Money is not something you get just like that. By the way my fourth goal was Never be scared of being embarrassed for asking price of something. By that my intention was, When you want something go and get it without having to check your balance and judge if you really need it or not.

I answered the second question first because without an answer for the second I can’t judge myself for the answer to my first question. And the answer to my first question is, I am a tech support guy working as an off source resource in a multi-national off sourcing company which is mostly one of the top 3 service based companies in India.

5 or 6 years ago if someone gave me a pseudo situation of working as an employee as I am now, my first impression on me would be “All that for just a tech support? Yuk Thu!!” The last part was an expression of disgust in any language followed by a spit.

When I fixed upon my first goal I started working on it and I never really settled for one thing. I was an average student at studies and I used to handle a computer decently and When I had no knowledge about electronics I somehow managed to understand the basic components of a computer. My first computer had a Celeron processor with 128MB Ram running Windows 98. I was ok with my life then and I was satisfying my goal.

Then came my second goal, due to my first goal I was always a little ahead of my mates. They were good at studies, knew social networking and email but by then I was working on web developing sites like Yola(then Synthasite). I was OK with my life even with my second goal I was clearly reaching my expectations.

The third and fourth came by almost at the same time in my 11th and 12th standards and as I always did I liked me for satisfying my goals. In a small sample size of people who knew me, my friends and family were always treated better because of me(not for me being kind sort of things but for my intellect and achievements). In order to solve my fourth I started working as a freelancer with my Web Development / Rest API based app development skills and I had success to some extent. I always liked costly mobiles and the last mobile my dad bought me was a Nokia Lumia 520 for 10,000 and the movement I started freelancing all my dreams started to come true. I used to change mobiles every 6 to 10months and none of them were below 15,000. To put that in perspective, the costliest phone my dad ever used was Nokia Lumia 730 priced at 13,000 which he is still using from almost 3 years. So, In my family I somehow got the buying capacity of reaching my childhood dreams. Doesn’t mean I was earning more than him but just that I was able to buy something which he wouldn’t buy me.

In the final year of my under graduation I wanted to work for this very same company I was in and I was capable enough to crack the interview and get in. This was a path chosen by me and I should be happy for it right? Yeah I thought of the same but I am not.

All those days I was happy because I was doing something to reach my basic goals and the progress made me feel happy but now I reached a point where I had to be one of something already but I am not.

My knowledge increased and I had fundamentals about Biology, Cosmology, Theoretical Physics, Programming, Computer Graphics, Computer Gaming  and analyzing stuff belonging to any area. I should be happy about being able to reach my first goal right?

Even though I belong to tech support, I always automate things so that I don’t have to do repetitive stuff. This made me different from my colleagues as they were used to do stuff repeatedly. They were dreaming of getting these done automatically but I made their dreams come true in months. This will help me solve my second goal right?

I was working for a top Multi National Company. I was placed through campus to hire program and my pay package was also good. Infact, so good that software employees in and around my family had my package after 1 year of their experience and I cracked it just like that as a fresher. This fetched a good status to my parents in their circle as I was not like most of the Indian graduates searching for a job. The third one also reached?

Due to my pay package I could afford a lot of things even better than when I was freelancing so the fourth one also reached?

Time to be happy and enjoy right?

Yeah I feel being happy from the outside but from inside I am not.

Why?

I had knowledge in many different fields but I never implemented all this knowledge into building something that no one ever did because no one had knowledge of many different things when building something. Everyone with a decent internet and YouTube could have that knowledge.

I was different but my sample size was just a hundred of my colleagues working in the same project. This could have been a dream number but I was not a kid of 10th standard and especially after achieving a special stage in college with a sample size of 700 to 1000 people.

The sample problem with the third one, you are just one of the 200,000 employees working for this company to many and one of a few hundreds who cracked the same company interview along with you from the same college.

The fourth one? Going to Ubi City Mall of Bengaluru taught me where I am. Google it and you will know what I meant.

After all this thought process and coming back to gathering things together I came to a conclusion on what I really wanted to be.

I wanted to be Different. Biologically I couldn’t be any different than the 7 billion other humans right? Wrong. Nature doesn’t want all humans to be same if so, what is the need of creating 7 billion? Don’t agree with me? Come on look at your fingers. Remember that thing called finger print? Isn’t that unique to you?

Look at a mirror. See your face? If you are an identical twin skip to the next point if not, who else is like you in this whole world? If you are an identical twin look at your eyes, your retinal finger print is not same as your brother or sister who was born along with you and looks like you.

I take examples and motivation from things and people around me. The above mentioned examples are from a quick thought that sparked when I thought I was same as the 7 billion other humans. My mind is not designed to work like that, right at the movement my mind gave me examples of how different I am. I have a clear understanding of what I want to be, Being DIFFERENT. My definition of different is through achieving something that no other human could do or even think of. For example, Space X by Elon Musk. No one ever thought there would be a private space company that could launch government satellites that would emerge in a short duration of 2-3 years as no one could afford the budget more than a Country Government could do but Elon Musk did it. He made the unthinkable happen by trying to reduce the cost and taking the negativity of the thought(Why should space travel be costly?) and used it to build one unthinkable project.

There were many such people in the world who make the unthinkable happen and enter the book of Human History. I wanted to be that. I don’t know a clear path on how but I will be that one day. All my goals were targeted at that one same thing which I was unable to decrypt till today. As I have it now I should think on how to achieve it. I will post all my thought process through this channel and hope this might help someone.

It is 6:44AM of Feb 2nd, 2017 when I completed this post. Everything I wrote here was the thing going on in my brain and nothing was preplanned.

After reading the post I remembered I never answered the Question 3. You might know the answer to 3.A I was planning to reach there and no specific path yet. The answer to 3.B is, Once I reach that pinnacle of being different I want to take up my life’s dream career, Being a professor teaching students about life and how to tackle the world along with teaching science in the way I saw it.